A CULTURE OF SUPPRESSING TEARS

The past week has been so heart wrenching and I have been trying to keep it all together. I remember when I went to record one of my TV show, DOSE, our wonderful make up artist asked me," You're not your usual self Mangwenya, what's wrong?'' and my PA captured this image of me doing the inhale-exhale exercise before the recording.

How had we reached his place?

Dealing with loss.

A friend had just given birth and I was excited because I had been there since the beginning and I'm always that aunty who celebrates more than everyone else. I was looking forward to holding our little champ. Two days later, I received a message that I blinked at more than twice because I'm myopic, I could be reading it wrong.

'I lost my baby ,Sympathy. He will be burnt today...'

There is nothing you could ever say that could comfort a grieving parent. Al I wanted was to just hug her and when I visited she was trying to be strong, I mean society dictates that. She had gone through labour and her body showed that. Her breasts still produced milk, I mean it had been ready to feed the new baby.

Now comes the infuriating part! She had been told not to mourn for her child. Culturally, it was said to bring some misfortunes or a 3 day old baby wasn't human enough to be mourned for.

I couldn't understand. Whether it's miscarriage or infant loss...it's my baby for crying out loud. I have gone through the phase of bonding with this tiny person and have pictured our life together so what do you mean don't cry for that baby?

Society does not fully know how to publicly acknowledge or validate that loss. Because the outside world did not "know" the baby in the way the mother did, onlookers may minimise the loss, treating it as a minor medical event rather than the death of a family member, and implicitly or explicitly expecting the mother to move on without crying!

Let's STOP telling people in grief not to cry. It's not healthy and also,it's just not right!

But then again, maybe there's a solid reason why we shouldn't cry?

Just wondering if this is a Zimbabwen thing,or an African thing? Wat has been your experience in any parts of the world you are reading this from?