Be kind or be silent

You don't have to experience someone's struggle before you choose compassion.

As I grow older, I have come to understand something that I wish more of us would remember:

We rarely know the full story of another person's life.

Someone may be educated but struggling to pass examinations.

Someone may deeply desire marriage but remain unmarried for years.

Someone may long to have children and spend years waiting.

Someone may work tirelessly and still struggle financially.

Someone may eat well, exercise and live carefully, yet still become sick.

From the outside, these situations can look simple.

But behind them may be years of effort, disappointment, prayer, sacrifice and silent tears.

Sometimes, people are genuinely doing their best, yet life does not unfold according to their plans.

Life is not always a reward system where effort immediately produces the desired result.

As a person of faith, I believe in working hard while accepting that divine decree ultimately prevails.

That belief does not mean giving up. It means doing our part while recognizing that we do not control every outcome.

The Yoruba have wisdom that speaks powerfully to this:

“Ẹni tí kò ì tíì kú, kò má fi wèrè ṣe yẹ̀yẹ́.”

(He who is still alive should not mock the mentally challenged).

“Ẹni tó ń sá’ré owó, kò má fi ẹlẹ́wọ̀n ṣe yẹ̀yẹ́.”

(He who is still striving for wealth should not mock a prisoner).

And:

“Kò ì tóó yọ̀ sí, tí kò bá ì dá’lẹ̀.”

(Do not rejoice excessively over something that has not yet stood the test of time).

These words remind me that circumstances are not permanent guarantees.

The person you look down on today may have a different story tomorrow.

And the person who appears to have everything together may be carrying a burden you cannot see.

Alhamdulillāh, my own journey has not always been easy. But Allah has always been there.

I am not yet where I aspire to be, but I am grateful to be a better version of myself than I was yesterday.

I continue to work.

I continue to pray.

I continue to learn.

I accept what Allah decrees.

And I continue to do my part.

Most importantly, I remind myself that Al-Mudabbir—the One who directs all affairs—can change any situation whenever He wills.

“And that it is He who makes [one] laugh and weep.”

— Qur'ān 53:43

So, before we mock someone's poverty, singleness, childlessness, illness, failure, imprisonment, unemployment or any other difficulty, let us pause.

What if the table turns?

No one is forced to be kind.

But surely, we can choose not to add to another person's pain.

We can choose not to humiliate.

We can choose not to ridicule.

We can choose not to become the reason someone goes home crying.

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:

“Do not express pleasure at the misfortune of your brother, lest Allah should bestow mercy upon him and make you suffer from a misfortune.” — At-Tirmidhī

Be kind.

And if you cannot be kind, be silent.

Because you never truly know what someone is fighting, what they have survived, what they are praying for—or what tomorrow may bring.

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